lifes began to be good step by step...
the best thing is i can stay hum n spent the rest of my days watching tv n eating!
ha.ha.ha
wat else i can ask 4..

family being super great...
kip jalan n eat outside..
thnx mumy!
plus got my lil sis n bro tat rily make my day by laughing out our ass with funy jokes..
n watching movies togther like hell..

im on my way finishing my psp games btw..
god of war....agen n agen...
never get bored with tat..
now i noe y he bought tat 4 my bday..
coz tats the only thing tat can make me silent n guai2 at rum..
my gad..

the love..
began to ease down a lil bit..
pandai cri n ask me wat i do...
tysm God..
my prayer being answered 1 by 1...
but still he did n said things tat can rily hurt me..
sumtym...
but wen im there, he cudnt face it.
mad2 pun still bring me hum n frn me watch totoro..
almost midnite but still bring me out to mamam..
y tlmpau ego?huh!
dlm msg kip hurt me,but infrnt syg me..
urgh!
my frens were ryt,im stupid for hoping too much..even wen im not..still i never stop love tis guy..
just be patience...tats d only thing i can do..

his mum asking me to go vacay with them on june..
im looking foward to it,but still im afraid..
wat if hes doin sumthng bad wen his mum not around?
n me not around?
just pray he wont..
*amen*

i can only be happy n gratefull tat they never stop supporting me!
mopongousian, family, fong,magdlne,vian,chy2,aily n L.myles..
maybe they oso boring wana c my msg but they never stop giving me hopes n love..
I.HEART.YOU.GUYS

wat wil it be?
i dun know...
just hope for sumthing good to happen..
stil, ilysmLVS

i hate tis,y cant they let me be happy for a sec? after receiving their msges at fb i still can feel the hate of envyness..y cant u just let me go? y did u bother so much to tell me very single thing tat he do? wats ur ittention? at 1st i tot u rily care bout me,evendore we're not close...but now i tink i noe wats ur'e up to..u enjoyed seeing me hurt ryt? noeing tat hes goin sumwhere to haf fun,while im stuck up my ass here being sad n lonely? its enough!
today u ask me to look into sum1 album n c the pict..he was there..so?
yah,i admit tat i was totally mad seeing it at 1st but not nemore, hes not a baby, he can take care of himself...plus i undstnd y he didnt tell me hes goin out,coz we're still argueing n he noes im gona be extremely jeles n sad. im not there...i cant tell if hes goin out with sum1 or not,itsjust his pict being caught on tat cam..n his frens..n his girll frens tat he noes since they were in primary school..
but still i haf sadness noeing tat it was 3rd of may,n hes havng fun while im strugling myself alone here...

are u happy now? did u rily wana c my relationship broke down? does tat makes u satisfied n buzz off? fyi : ure not gona get any...
even wen im leaving,n ure the next persn tat being with him,i still fil sory 4 u...coz u cant get him to love u naturally, u just haf to make our relationship worst,n hoping tat we will really break up n u got the chance to be with him..u r so pathetic..i feel sory 4 u..
i noe u r reading tis..coz u noe evrysingle thing tat i wrote here...

stop tring to prove to me tat hes not even sad bout the arguements..coz seriously, almost 3 years with him, im gona tell u tat tis guy,was rily good in hiding his feelings..I DUN THINK U NOE TAT RYT? coz its not u who be with him wen he got a major fall down, ure not there wen we had the biggest arguements, ure not there wen both of us losing hope towards each other..
it was me all the tym...2 years is not tat long but ive been in so many ups n down with him n i tink tats enuf to show me who the real guy he is...
if we rily break up, i wud say gud luck to u..
coz he wont luf u the way has loved me...
no matter wat happend btwen me n him,there always a special bond between us tat make us stand togther til now...but maybe we r not meant 4 each other..i'll take tat as a chlnge..
the most important thing is tat i luf him so much...n i just wana make him happy...tats y i can let him go..i dun haf ryt just to tink bout my happiness in a relationship..

im a women with no regrets..ilhsm

end of 2 years..

i'll be packing my bags any sooner...
4 days left b4 im goin bek sabah..
its funny how im gona miss my life here...
this simple, yet useful hostel room...
frens tat never leave me alone wen i felt unhappy...
classmates tat never stop bullying me...
too many reason to mke me miss this place...

still in my mind my first step here...i kept saying :
i hate tis place
i wana go home
i miss my family

but tym passed by sooooo fast...
its been 2 years here...1 year left b4 i fnish my studies
no more slipping in the class,
no more joking around during recess...
its tym to be independent now

im done with my theory studies...
on my way for practical....
good news : petaling jaya
bad news : no frens, work tym , hand water pump
but nothings meant to be easy kan?
i'll take it as a a challenge...

im so gonna miss my life here..
slipping in the class...
taking lunch with my frens...
watching movie togther...
hang out togthr
but life must go on....
its a beggining of our journey...
not the end...

to some of the guys tat i wont be able to c...
tysm for being such a gud frens to me..
i apreciated tat..*big hugs*

al farabian = 1 of the best thing in my life.
so i guess, i'll c u soon then?

learn to love urslef more..
its much more easier then loving sum1...
i dislike u...
wat makes u tink u can make sum1's life crushing down...
left tat person alone wen she needed u the most?
n now u wana treat her good again? giving false hope?
stop making her happy n then take the happiness away from her wen shes away...
she learning to live on her own now...
u dont haf any idea how hard it is not to tink of u everyday...
u duno how hard it is not to text n c ur msg everyday...
dont...plis dont make her life ruin agen...
the chance been given too many tyms owdy...
but did u aware? no ure not...
uve been bz with ur frens...n ur own agenda...
did u care bout her? no u didnt...
u left her alone wen she needed u the most...
now tell me how to call u a man....wen ure acting like a child...
face ur problem!
u cant simply make ur own decision n plan on making sum1 life suffer just bcoz u hate the fact tat shes not there with u...
did u now how many tyms she cried for u?
did u feel every pain tat u gave to her?
u said u love her...
but honestly....i dun tink u noe wat LOVE is...
ure not this person b4....u used to care n love her so much...
making her life happy like no one else will...
u used to be a part of her...
but things makes u chnge tis fast...
sumtym she also didnt noe how much tym left for her to stay patience with u...
n endure ur stubborn atttitude...
but she never wana say tat to u...
she noe herself...shes not perfect...
she did mistakes too...
to noe tat u love her n accept her flaws is enuf owdy...
but did u realised tat? no ure not...
ure not listening....
ur egoism blindfold ur heart...
makes u treat her like tat...
but shes being insecure now...
shes not even dare to love u again...
being with u agen used to be her only hope...
but not anymore....
she just scared tat u might doin the same thing to her..over and over again...
plus,shes still tink tat theres sum1 else even u said NO.

if both of u get together again...
u shudnt expect her to love u 100% nemore...
u've hurt her deeply...
n leave a scar on her heart...

but its nice to text good things with u...
shes happy...still..she love u tis much < >

heartache

I don’t mind it
I don’t mind at all
It’s like you’re the swing set
And I’m the kid that falls
It’s like the way we fight
The times I’ve cried
We come to blows
And every night
The passion’s there
So it’s got to be right
Right?

No I don’t believe you
When you say don’t come around here no more
I won’t remind you
You said we wouldn’t be apart
No I don’t believe you
When you say you don’t need me anymore
So don’t pretend to
Not love me at all

I don’t mind it
I still don’t mind at all
It’s like one of those bad dreams
When you can’t wake up
It’s like you’ve given up
You’ve had enough
But I want more
No I won't stop
Because I just know
You’ll come around
Right?

No I don’t believe you
When you say don’t come around here no more
I won’t remind you
You said we wouldn’t be apart
No I don’t believe you
When you say you don’t need me anymore
So don’t pretend to
Not love me at all

Just don’t stand there and watch me fall
Because I, because I still don’t mind at all

It’s like the way we fight
The times I’ve cried
We come to blows
And every night
The passions there
So it’s got to be right,
Right?

No I don’t believe you
When you say don’t come around here no more
I won’t remind you
You said we wouldn’t be apart
No I don’t believe you
When you say you don’t need me anymore
So don’t pretend to
Not love me at all

I don’t believe you



T_______T

its been ages since we x talking to each other in the phone...
happy.confused.relief?
weve been talked alot, yeah..been sharing most of the probs i haf with him wit u..
its funny how u can understand ol of my needs, n explain everything to me everytime im started to ask WHY?
u said love is hard to be understand...y was tat?
isnt luf supposed to be gentle..?
arent it supposed to be easy to undstnd?
i just dont know y...

u ask me not to give up...i dun noe...
the only mistake tat im guilty to is to be so in love with him...
if i wasnt,i wont be crying ol day long for him...
u ask me to hold on...
but wats the point of doin tat?
even to put any hopes tat things gona get better after tis also im not dare...
i just cant bare to haf another painfull story...
im too weak...
even if things get any better,
is there a guarantee tat i wont be treated like tis again?
i just dun tink tat he will noe how to apcte sum1 tat love him wit ol her heart....

u ask me...did i tink myself STUPID?
yes i did...
coz i let him too many chances to pick up the pieces n throw it away...
but iL him...tats the main reason for being so stupid...
love is blind...yes it is....
it makes me forgive n forget bout every bad memories betwn me n him just bcoz i stil wana b with him...
but did he care? i dun tink so...

but i dun blame him for all tat..
all tis tym he nurture me to be wat i am now...
childish.manja.unindependent.helpless
he makes me too!
im not his person b4...
maybe tat tym he still syg me alot til he wana k bout me like a baby...
but now? he told me tat im tooo pampered ,shudnt be tat way...
but mybe,tats my fault too...

trust is the major prob..
after wat haf been done,it still hard for me to trust him again...
peeps around me kip filling my mind with negative story bout him...his past n ol the unimportant things...
y shud i belif? im sooo stupid!
coz sum of it is not even true,n it only makes my reltnshp getting worst..
im so mean,sory baby..

but wen u ask me wat will i do if things not goin to be like b4...
if hes goin out with sum1 new...n forgt bout me...
speechless.
honestly,i duno wat to do...im lost....

all my life being surrounded by him...
but i pmis myself....
if tat happends,im still gona move on...
seeing him happy is the most happiest thing 4 me owdy...
if got jodoh,anytym also can get back togther...
i blif tat...just c khong n chy2...
i just want the best for him...
the best...
hopefully the next person will k n syg him more then i do...

but no matter wat..im stil gona LHSM...

u said u were proud of me...tat i haf been much more wiser then b4...
not just thinking wat best 4 me,but thinkg wat best 4 him too...
im so happy u called...u understnd me alot...
even there so many tyms i ignore u,since he dislike me reconnecting with u...
but still,u were there 4 me...
i envy u.
tat u can move on n finaly find sum1 tat u love so much...
yee rily syg u...u noe tat...we both noe...

end of conversation.

as i haf promised u...
will owez kip him in my heart, n move on with my new life...
will be goin back n facing my probs, n fight with my biggest fear -->leaving...
will i survived? only tym will tell..
let u guys now wen im there owdy..
as for now,5 more papers to go 4 my exam!
wish me luck peeps..

lotsa love,
san
xoxoxoxo

i shudnt haf done tis...
after ol these days im still wearing the ring...
still keeping ol the pictures...
still having sweet toughts bout goin bek n c him..

IM STILL LiVING IN THE WORLD HE'S CREATED FOR ME!

i wana get out!
im sick of laughing with my frens but the end of the day i'll be crying thinkg of u..
please.....
can i just wake up n lost my memory forever?
i wish i had a short term memory lost...
so i wont felt sad n unhappy evrytym im thinkg of u...

still..we find each other....
msgng n chatting..eventho its just 4 a while...
but i'll savour it...

u told me this wont happend if its not bcoz of me...
MG...im tired of saying im sorry n asking u to chnge ur mind...
im not tat tough baby!

i dun haf the nerve to hoping tat things gona get better wen im there...
i just dun wana makes my heart crush even teruk wen things doesnt happend the way i haf been expected...

this is not the 1st time syg...
but still u x leaving me alone now...still we find each other...

will i cry the day we meet later...?
yes...
hate u.but i never regret the day i had spent with u
just c wat happend later....
if theres a replacement...i hope u will be love n take care like i had loved n cared u...

semper te amo usque in diem morior..

maybe ive done a big mistakes...
but tat doesnt mean u can treat me tis way...
ure not god....
u never commit any sins? issit?
nobody did! no 1 is perfect!
hope u realise it 1 day...
dun u tink u been punish me alot owdy?
just hope u can get the karma back...
n feel the way i felt ryt now

i am me

if i can just go on without felt gulity,or even sad...i wud...did u noe how much it hurts me to noe tat ive been forcing things to get better wen i ody noe things owdy chnge?

if i can move on n live my life like usual..i wud...but i duno wer to start...seriously..i dont...
maybe bcoz i dun c us tis way b4..i owez tot tat things gona b the same...being together till the end of time..but i guess im wrong..

i dun dare to put high hopes wen i c u later...i just pray tat things gona chnge...
even wen its not..i'll pray...tat no matter how long it takes...i can MOVE ON!

still,ilysm...tats the only thing tat u cant take away frm me...
ive been crying so hard tis few weeks...its rily hard to fake a smile infront of peeps n cried myself out during shower so i wont get my eyes swollen..

i'll savour the day wen im goin bek n hug u 4 the last tym...
but i guess its tym to walk in a new direction...
ill try to adapt...

for u..i will just walk away n never look back...
coz i noe i wont hurt u anymore...
u may b finding sum1 else sooner...
but i noe,she will never love u the way i had loved u...

p/s : i love you