its not tat im afraid of taking a new step..
its just tat i dun haf any reason to put high hopes on it anymore..
but still..ilhsm

xoxoxo lotsa love
san

upset...i cudnt tink of any word ryt now...can i just close my eyes n leave tis pile of lies world?
something happend..thinnngs tat u shud haf expect from me..the unperfect person...
my life being a load of shit tis few days..yeah..n ure the reason why..
i wish i can just leave tis place...i rily do...
i love u...never did i cheated on u, or being unfaithfull...
then y did ive been treated like tis? do i deserve it? ure not playing fair towards me...i deserve a 2nd chance from u like i did to u b4...
who do u tink u r? making me fall deeply in ur luf n easily asking me to let go?
weve been together almosyt 3 years now...3 years...
n tis is not the most hard situation wee been thru b4....if ican stand beside u wen u ask me for a chnce...y cant u?
i did say soooory tooo many tyms liao...wat else do u want?
i sacrife alot for u owdy....ALOT...
i lost those people i love bcoz of u...
my life surrounded by u...
i hope i can tink straight for now.....i do...
coz i dun find a ny reason to stay here owdy...

if any of u c me...give me a hug..i neeed tat so much...
if u noe me..give me a call...i nid ur support..
i just cant stand being alone anymore....
if loving sum1 faithfully cud be tis hurt...wats the point with holding on?

if tis is the last word i can wrote on my blog..help me to let him noe...
tat i love him so much..

thank you*

sudnly i felt like i wana show up sum appreciation towards u...
yeah you!
the 1 who spent sum tym to read my blog..
coz by the tym u r reading tis,maybe u were supposed to do ther things
which is more importnt then reading my boring+lame stories..

honestly,i dun rily fancy this blogging thing
N i never did thinking bout being an active bloggers..
i just dun tink my life tat interesting for u guys to know..
im just a simple girl with a boring life..
nothing much to expect frm me..

anyhow,
since i got the chance to share my probs here..
n let my voice within being heard..
im satisfied...
looking at ol those feedback makes me grew stronger everyday..
its like we haf created a lovely bons between us..
its like ure with me in everystep tat i take in my life..

evendore i never c sum of u guys..
never will actually...
but i still felt like were gona end up being bestfren if tat happens..
how i wish we can swapping numbers and get to noe each other..

anyhow, words cant describe how thankfull i am ryt noe
4 having this blog n free my mind..
for you peeps :
*THANK YOU*

ILYSMTIWD

sumtym i wish i can do everything tat i want..
everything tat i used to do b4..
all the fun things..tat i love so much...
which i've stopped to do since i haf u...
coz all the things tat i love to do... turns out to be the things u dun like..
so ive stop doin it..
like u ask me too..

sumtym i wish i can go out clubng with my frens like i used to b4...
without sum1 to get mad at me..
havng a total fun with my babes n boyfrens...
but i cant...
coz were gona end up into fight later..

sumtym i wish i can live my life the way i want to...
do ol the stupid things i want..
dress up the way i love to..
hangout with the people i like to..
and stop fixing myself to reach ur expectations..

sumtym i just wana go home...
stay in my room...drinking a big glass of coke..
eating cakes n chocltes..
with no 1 touching me..
no 1 talking to me..
i just wana be alone...i rily do...

sumtym i just wana live a day
without eating those vitamins u buy 4 me...
im getting tired of getting myself gemuk...
im tired of eating those vits...
its not sedap ok?
my tumy said so!

sumtym i just wana go out wearing flats and a simple dress..
instead of covering ol of my body..
coz i dun care bout others thinking how small i am..
im just tired being wat other peoples want me to...

sumtym i wish i didnt haf cellphone...
so i dun haf to c ur text saying ure goin out clubng wit ur frens
wen ure supposed to spent tym 4 me..
coz ure working like 24-7 everyday..
dont i deserve ur valuable tym?
instead of texting me wen im sleepy ody..

sumtym i wish i can be u...
so i can having a total fun there without thinkg bout u even 4 a sec..
i rily want to make u undstnd wat it feels to WAIT
and wory bout me evrytm im goin out..

sumtym i wish i am not myself ryt noe...
i wana be sum1 else..
who can go out without being mistaken being flirting around...

sumtym i wish i a tough person..
so i wont end up crying everytm i felt hurt..
im sick of it..

sumtym i wish we dun noe each other...
passing by each other
holding other peoples hand...
and live a diffrent life

sumtym i wish i can just shut up and sleep
everytym we're started to argue..
and forgt everythng tat happends...

lifes being great with u..
its not tat ure treating me bad..
ure not..
relationship being gud..
its just tat we bz with our life..
me..here...stuck with my asgnmnts..
you...there..stuck with ur frens n work
we do find each other..
havng tat sweet talk for a minte..
and textkissing/hug each other..
its enuf 4 a LDR..
im satisfy..

but maybe...
im just getting tired of this...
same convstion everydy..
same things to fight with everytym...
all the other things tat we do...
wen im there, its a whole new stories...
coz were gona be a lovey-dovey..


but sumtym...
i wish i am single..
with no 1 to take care of...
so i dun end up getting mine or his heart broken...
like i did now..

lotsa tears..
san

homesick

i rily miss my bed...
my mumy n dady...
siblings 4 sho....
n yeah..my bf..

1 more month b4 im goin bek...
i cant blif tym pass me by so fast..
im going thru sem4 ryt now..
its just like yesterday ive been here...
starting my 1st step and nagging bout the orientation..haha
it su*ks..
but i do gona rmber it 4 the rest of my life =)
next sem i will be goin for practical..
its really make me sad..
coz i noe im not gona be in the same place with my bff..
but maybe its tym to be independent ryt?

i miss him too...
since we haf change with tat everydayargue thing..
relationship growing stronger n more happy..=)
i admit tat im a part of the mess..
yeah..im too manja..n easily get mad 4 no reason..
but now...
its changed..=)

1. i didnt ask him to stay up till1,2 am just to kwn me msg..(i let him sleep)
2. im not easily merajuk
   
3. more understanding
4. i support his hobby (badminton)
5. i dun get mad like h*ll wen he spending his tym on badmntn court from 6-9pm..
6. more dengar cakap..
7. i do wat he told me to..
8. let him spent sum tym wit his frens..
9. learn to trust him step by step
10. not being toooo jealousy...
11. love him n his flaw..
12. i dun bother him wen hes working
13. forgt his past n mistakes..
    

sometym..wen we started to get mad..
i simply told him tat im lazy wana argue n i let him win..
n wen we dun haf mood to talk bout anything we just dont...
we both let ourself to calm down n wen its ok..
he will find me back like ntg happend..=)
tats wat happend wen we learn to undrstnd each other more with less-fighting..
i heart the solution coz it mkes me happy..
wen he text me iLy n give me a gudnyt kiss wen i go to bed..
n said good morning wen i wake up in the next day..
saying ILYSM wenever i felt insecured..
convince me everytm the memory of him pass me by..
calling me pigy or babydoll wen im mad..
its just beautiful...

everythng he do really meant a lot to me...
coz hes not tat soft-hearted + sweet tounge kinda boy..
he owez wana look garang n tough infront of me..
mybe bcoz he want me to respect him as my bf..but i did!
i stop blaming him 4 everythng tat happens tis whole tym..
coz i juz barely knew tat im taking part of tis rltnshp too..
he spent tooooo much on me liao....
its tym to give n take...

many peeps dun blif tat we're stil toghther..
maybe bcoz of his past..
but IDC bout it nemore...
i am his future..
its tym to forget the past n go on!
n learnt to love his flaws like he loves mine...

stop being childish.pampered.jealousy.
start to be matured.independent.loveable

effing PURFECT!

its funny how we can lie ourself tat everythngs gona b alrite..sooon...
wen we've owdy noe tat things gona end up more complicated...
sum people might never like us..
or shud i said misjudge?
dont blame others for tat..
maybe we used to be such a horrible monster b4...
chngning...on our way ...owdy did actually..
never stop!

but we shud haf learnt tat we can never stop their -ve thoughts bout us..
maybe bcoz they were f*ckin perfect..
or maybe bcoz they just dun like us..

sum people can really love u n ur FLAW..
but sum people dont...
sum people wil lie themself tat they like u..
when they dont..
sum people will treat us bad..
just bcoz they think u deserve that!
sum people tink tat they were so good..
just bcoz other people never said they hate them..
infront..
but they didnt noe how may people said tat on their back..
sumtym people will continue talking bad bout u ..
evendore the problem is so 2005...

this shit happens to any of us out here..
its just the circle of life tat we shud haf completed..
pass or fail..
depends on ourself..

honestly...
ive never feel insecure with everything around me..
maybe bcoz i noe most of the people hates me..
yah...
coz im not a gud person b4,
people only c the bad side of me...
the gud side? they dont bother!
n they keep ungkit old stories bout us..


sumtym we just smile wen sum1 told u tat u r cute or watsoever..
wen its obviously showed in her face tat its just a lie..
tats rily makes me laugh out loud
sumtym people umpat-ing bout us on our back..
n swapping stories bout ur flaws...
but still treat u like a gud fren in front..
sweet..but it kills...

iDC bout everythng now...
coz i owez got my family to support me no matter wat..
so do u guys!
noeing wat happend to u now rily makes my heart brokes..
but since im far away, i can only tell u here...
most of the people hate u, just bcoz u haf something tat they dont..
but wen they come for u wen theres sumthing they need..go away..
u dun nid a fren who accept u but not ur flaws...
n talk bad bout it...
we're not f*ckin perft...
but at least we can make those people around us happy ^___^

let those who NEVER commit sins, throw the stones toward us!
FORGIVE & FORGET..

lotsa love
xoxoSANxoxo