its been ages since we x talking to each other in the phone...
happy.confused.relief?
weve been talked alot, yeah..been sharing most of the probs i haf with him wit u..
its funny how u can understand ol of my needs, n explain everything to me everytime im started to ask WHY?
u said love is hard to be understand...y was tat?
isnt luf supposed to be gentle..?
arent it supposed to be easy to undstnd?
i just dont know y...

u ask me not to give up...i dun noe...
the only mistake tat im guilty to is to be so in love with him...
if i wasnt,i wont be crying ol day long for him...
u ask me to hold on...
but wats the point of doin tat?
even to put any hopes tat things gona get better after tis also im not dare...
i just cant bare to haf another painfull story...
im too weak...
even if things get any better,
is there a guarantee tat i wont be treated like tis again?
i just dun tink tat he will noe how to apcte sum1 tat love him wit ol her heart....

u ask me...did i tink myself STUPID?
yes i did...
coz i let him too many chances to pick up the pieces n throw it away...
but iL him...tats the main reason for being so stupid...
love is blind...yes it is....
it makes me forgive n forget bout every bad memories betwn me n him just bcoz i stil wana b with him...
but did he care? i dun tink so...

but i dun blame him for all tat..
all tis tym he nurture me to be wat i am now...
childish.manja.unindependent.helpless
he makes me too!
im not his person b4...
maybe tat tym he still syg me alot til he wana k bout me like a baby...
but now? he told me tat im tooo pampered ,shudnt be tat way...
but mybe,tats my fault too...

trust is the major prob..
after wat haf been done,it still hard for me to trust him again...
peeps around me kip filling my mind with negative story bout him...his past n ol the unimportant things...
y shud i belif? im sooo stupid!
coz sum of it is not even true,n it only makes my reltnshp getting worst..
im so mean,sory baby..

but wen u ask me wat will i do if things not goin to be like b4...
if hes goin out with sum1 new...n forgt bout me...
speechless.
honestly,i duno wat to do...im lost....

all my life being surrounded by him...
but i pmis myself....
if tat happends,im still gona move on...
seeing him happy is the most happiest thing 4 me owdy...
if got jodoh,anytym also can get back togther...
i blif tat...just c khong n chy2...
i just want the best for him...
the best...
hopefully the next person will k n syg him more then i do...

but no matter wat..im stil gona LHSM...

u said u were proud of me...tat i haf been much more wiser then b4...
not just thinking wat best 4 me,but thinkg wat best 4 him too...
im so happy u called...u understnd me alot...
even there so many tyms i ignore u,since he dislike me reconnecting with u...
but still,u were there 4 me...
i envy u.
tat u can move on n finaly find sum1 tat u love so much...
yee rily syg u...u noe tat...we both noe...

end of conversation.

as i haf promised u...
will owez kip him in my heart, n move on with my new life...
will be goin back n facing my probs, n fight with my biggest fear -->leaving...
will i survived? only tym will tell..
let u guys now wen im there owdy..
as for now,5 more papers to go 4 my exam!
wish me luck peeps..

lotsa love,
san
xoxoxoxo