its been ages since we x talking to each other in the phone...
happy.confused.relief?
weve been talked alot, yeah..been sharing most of the probs i haf with him wit u..
its funny how u can understand ol of my needs, n explain everything to me everytime im started to ask WHY?
u said love is hard to be understand...y was tat?
isnt luf supposed to be gentle..?
arent it supposed to be easy to undstnd?
i just dont know y...

u ask me not to give up...i dun noe...
the only mistake tat im guilty to is to be so in love with him...
if i wasnt,i wont be crying ol day long for him...
u ask me to hold on...
but wats the point of doin tat?
even to put any hopes tat things gona get better after tis also im not dare...
i just cant bare to haf another painfull story...
im too weak...
even if things get any better,
is there a guarantee tat i wont be treated like tis again?
i just dun tink tat he will noe how to apcte sum1 tat love him wit ol her heart....

u ask me...did i tink myself STUPID?
yes i did...
coz i let him too many chances to pick up the pieces n throw it away...
but iL him...tats the main reason for being so stupid...
love is blind...yes it is....
it makes me forgive n forget bout every bad memories betwn me n him just bcoz i stil wana b with him...
but did he care? i dun tink so...

but i dun blame him for all tat..
all tis tym he nurture me to be wat i am now...
childish.manja.unindependent.helpless
he makes me too!
im not his person b4...
maybe tat tym he still syg me alot til he wana k bout me like a baby...
but now? he told me tat im tooo pampered ,shudnt be tat way...
but mybe,tats my fault too...

trust is the major prob..
after wat haf been done,it still hard for me to trust him again...
peeps around me kip filling my mind with negative story bout him...his past n ol the unimportant things...
y shud i belif? im sooo stupid!
coz sum of it is not even true,n it only makes my reltnshp getting worst..
im so mean,sory baby..

but wen u ask me wat will i do if things not goin to be like b4...
if hes goin out with sum1 new...n forgt bout me...
speechless.
honestly,i duno wat to do...im lost....

all my life being surrounded by him...
but i pmis myself....
if tat happends,im still gona move on...
seeing him happy is the most happiest thing 4 me owdy...
if got jodoh,anytym also can get back togther...
i blif tat...just c khong n chy2...
i just want the best for him...
the best...
hopefully the next person will k n syg him more then i do...

but no matter wat..im stil gona LHSM...

u said u were proud of me...tat i haf been much more wiser then b4...
not just thinking wat best 4 me,but thinkg wat best 4 him too...
im so happy u called...u understnd me alot...
even there so many tyms i ignore u,since he dislike me reconnecting with u...
but still,u were there 4 me...
i envy u.
tat u can move on n finaly find sum1 tat u love so much...
yee rily syg u...u noe tat...we both noe...

end of conversation.

as i haf promised u...
will owez kip him in my heart, n move on with my new life...
will be goin back n facing my probs, n fight with my biggest fear -->leaving...
will i survived? only tym will tell..
let u guys now wen im there owdy..
as for now,5 more papers to go 4 my exam!
wish me luck peeps..

lotsa love,
san
xoxoxoxo

i shudnt haf done tis...
after ol these days im still wearing the ring...
still keeping ol the pictures...
still having sweet toughts bout goin bek n c him..

IM STILL LiVING IN THE WORLD HE'S CREATED FOR ME!

i wana get out!
im sick of laughing with my frens but the end of the day i'll be crying thinkg of u..
please.....
can i just wake up n lost my memory forever?
i wish i had a short term memory lost...
so i wont felt sad n unhappy evrytym im thinkg of u...

still..we find each other....
msgng n chatting..eventho its just 4 a while...
but i'll savour it...

u told me this wont happend if its not bcoz of me...
MG...im tired of saying im sorry n asking u to chnge ur mind...
im not tat tough baby!

i dun haf the nerve to hoping tat things gona get better wen im there...
i just dun wana makes my heart crush even teruk wen things doesnt happend the way i haf been expected...

this is not the 1st time syg...
but still u x leaving me alone now...still we find each other...

will i cry the day we meet later...?
yes...
hate u.but i never regret the day i had spent with u
just c wat happend later....
if theres a replacement...i hope u will be love n take care like i had loved n cared u...

semper te amo usque in diem morior..

maybe ive done a big mistakes...
but tat doesnt mean u can treat me tis way...
ure not god....
u never commit any sins? issit?
nobody did! no 1 is perfect!
hope u realise it 1 day...
dun u tink u been punish me alot owdy?
just hope u can get the karma back...
n feel the way i felt ryt now

i am me

if i can just go on without felt gulity,or even sad...i wud...did u noe how much it hurts me to noe tat ive been forcing things to get better wen i ody noe things owdy chnge?

if i can move on n live my life like usual..i wud...but i duno wer to start...seriously..i dont...
maybe bcoz i dun c us tis way b4..i owez tot tat things gona b the same...being together till the end of time..but i guess im wrong..

i dun dare to put high hopes wen i c u later...i just pray tat things gona chnge...
even wen its not..i'll pray...tat no matter how long it takes...i can MOVE ON!

still,ilysm...tats the only thing tat u cant take away frm me...
ive been crying so hard tis few weeks...its rily hard to fake a smile infront of peeps n cried myself out during shower so i wont get my eyes swollen..

i'll savour the day wen im goin bek n hug u 4 the last tym...
but i guess its tym to walk in a new direction...
ill try to adapt...

for u..i will just walk away n never look back...
coz i noe i wont hurt u anymore...
u may b finding sum1 else sooner...
but i noe,she will never love u the way i had loved u...

p/s : i love you

its not tat im afraid of taking a new step..
its just tat i dun haf any reason to put high hopes on it anymore..
but still..ilhsm

xoxoxo lotsa love
san

upset...i cudnt tink of any word ryt now...can i just close my eyes n leave tis pile of lies world?
something happend..thinnngs tat u shud haf expect from me..the unperfect person...
my life being a load of shit tis few days..yeah..n ure the reason why..
i wish i can just leave tis place...i rily do...
i love u...never did i cheated on u, or being unfaithfull...
then y did ive been treated like tis? do i deserve it? ure not playing fair towards me...i deserve a 2nd chance from u like i did to u b4...
who do u tink u r? making me fall deeply in ur luf n easily asking me to let go?
weve been together almosyt 3 years now...3 years...
n tis is not the most hard situation wee been thru b4....if ican stand beside u wen u ask me for a chnce...y cant u?
i did say soooory tooo many tyms liao...wat else do u want?
i sacrife alot for u owdy....ALOT...
i lost those people i love bcoz of u...
my life surrounded by u...
i hope i can tink straight for now.....i do...
coz i dun find a ny reason to stay here owdy...

if any of u c me...give me a hug..i neeed tat so much...
if u noe me..give me a call...i nid ur support..
i just cant stand being alone anymore....
if loving sum1 faithfully cud be tis hurt...wats the point with holding on?

if tis is the last word i can wrote on my blog..help me to let him noe...
tat i love him so much..

thank you*

sudnly i felt like i wana show up sum appreciation towards u...
yeah you!
the 1 who spent sum tym to read my blog..
coz by the tym u r reading tis,maybe u were supposed to do ther things
which is more importnt then reading my boring+lame stories..

honestly,i dun rily fancy this blogging thing
N i never did thinking bout being an active bloggers..
i just dun tink my life tat interesting for u guys to know..
im just a simple girl with a boring life..
nothing much to expect frm me..

anyhow,
since i got the chance to share my probs here..
n let my voice within being heard..
im satisfied...
looking at ol those feedback makes me grew stronger everyday..
its like we haf created a lovely bons between us..
its like ure with me in everystep tat i take in my life..

evendore i never c sum of u guys..
never will actually...
but i still felt like were gona end up being bestfren if tat happens..
how i wish we can swapping numbers and get to noe each other..

anyhow, words cant describe how thankfull i am ryt noe
4 having this blog n free my mind..
for you peeps :
*THANK YOU*

ILYSMTIWD