mine =)

its 8.05 pm now..keep waiting for his msg..aduiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii..i hate this situation...

will be lonely for 8 dayssssssssss..

20 jan 2012 :

got funny things happend after he fetch me from the airport tat evening..

it was my fault...being childish until suffocating each other lungs..

till i almost get lost in a mall..

hes texting,looking for me..i didnt answer..

hoping for him to come n look for me..

but last2 i end up shopping alone..

but we sort things out tat nyt..ilysm

*sorry bbb* sob~sob

going out tat nyt with his frenz..

BED

doesnt have much fun since its almost close when we arrived there..

back home n sleep...zzzz

21 jan 2012:

going bek to keningau the next day..

n im staying at his house since my family arent coming bek from LD vacay yet..

same routine everytime im here..

we will go eat~watch movies~goin out~sleep

never get tired of this..i just love doin everything with him.

22 jan 2012:

goin breakfast with his friends tat morning..

i remember being super hungry,but the waiter keep sending our food one by one..

funny..but im hungry then i guess its annoying.

goin to Tenom on 6 pm..

makan besar with him n his whole family...

seeing his popo tat nyt..

hes whispering * macam muka popo jaychou kan????* LOL..

hes trying to make me calm down alilbit i guess..thnx bb

after dinner hes on for Judi-mode

i let him spending his time with his cousins n family..

while im stuck with this lil boy name johnny...from my bf side..

his mum told me that he dun usually get used to someone that he didnt knew...

haha..its proven that i can be a good babysittarzzzzz oneday..

few hours past..im getting really slippy oredy but he stil gambling with his fam..

keep asking him *pulang~pulang~pulang*

10++pm

goin bek to kilang..

but hes goin out...

then i stay at his home alone..

mandi air limau n then im goin to sleep..

12.05 am..

firecrackers everywhere..

goin out n c his fam playing with FC with his dady holding an umbrella *its raing k*

i just realised that hes not goin home yet..

luckily hes helping his koko fetching his gf bek kilng..

if not im gona explode fr sure...

almost 2am..hes coming bek..

been open my eyes for 2 mints..

look at him..reminding him about tat mandi air limau thing n ZZZZZ

waking up the next day..hes there =)

23 jan 2012:

GONG HEI FATT CHOI everybadiiiiiii..

waking up early coz we need to go to Tenom for CNY celebration.

on my way to taking my bath but the current is off..pnya rsakkkkk

no hot water for us...

getting done with my makeups n outfit..

waking him up..hes getting ready..n we go to Tenom right away..

waiting for the others to come..

main daun duluuuuuuuu!!!!

le bf n his cuzzy showing off bout their card tricks with me..

being bullied to pay rm10 just to learn the tricks..

but they end up teaching me neways..haha..

its camwhoring timeee..

families taking pict with popo first..

n then the real ceremny begins..hahahha

ang pao na laiiiiii....

i really enjoyed being unmarried..i just love getting my pocket full with the red packet..

spending the day with gambling, eating and gossiping..

were goin bek home for a bath on 2.30 pm...

but we end up having lunch with his frens since they only served vegan food at Tenom..

then go bek his home..

sleepinggg

waking up at 5pm n getting ready to go bek there for family dinner..

being there until 10pm when we finally decided to go bek kgu n goin yamcha with his fren..

home..

help him packing his bag..

playing changing outfits with his jacket for vacay

watching the sorcerer aprentice againnnn..

then we both go to slip...

24 jan 2012 :

waking up...

x haf the mood since hes goin to Japan today..

i rily wish i can go..T_T

everybody keep asking me y i dont wana go..

i want to..i just x haf a good luck this year since im getting a new trainer for my practical year..

n hes strict..

cant extend my cuti few more days..=(

the moment that he sent me home n kiss me..

n the moment when i automaticly hugging him..makes me felt really sad...

truk..but im truly weak when hes not around..

9.35 pm..

hes finally arrived at KLIA..

waitng for his next flight to Jpn..

im gona miss u syg!!!

i'll wait for u to come home..

safe trip..mgbu n ur fam always..

lotsa love

xoxoxo

san

its been 5 days sinced ive been here..
le hostel..
and in 13 days i'll be goin bek to sabah again,
LOL!!
i just hate this year...it supposed to bring me luck n prosperity sinced its my year, but it seems like ive been spending almost 2k just for my tix for this coming holidays..FFFFFFFFFFarKKKKKK!!!!!
this year cny wont be enjoying for me since i can only be with my staring for 4 days bfore they be leaving for Japan. *s**t!
i just hate the fact tat ive got this strict new trainer and i can even get an extra holidays to join them..

when his mum first told me about the vacay, i was like :

n then she told me its gonna be japan, and i was like :




*hell yeah*



but then she told me its on 24 - 31 jan,and i was like :





are u serious??


n then im thinking about the BEAVER, and i was like :




s**t!!!!!

maybe some other day..T_T
dissapointed but my studies always come first...its much more important !
bf teasing me bout me watching disneyland from KeheLLLL since i cant join em thre...
*seyesly sittttttttt!!!!*

btw,
thinking about goin bek to sabah on my bday
*10 -12 feb*
its a stupiak ideaaaaaa!!! but i loike it coz i never did something crazier for my bday!
will be buying the ticks.... (actually, i just did)
(*0*!) LOL!
then i guess...





yes!

ily

*i hate you*
-for making my life miserable on 2011
-for hurting me with ur attitude
-for making me sad n cry much more then before
-for every hurtfull thing that u have done to me.. (u noe wat ryt?)

*i forgive you*
for everything tat i mentioned above
for hurting me so badly until i almost give up on u
for making me cry

*i learn to *
trust u again
tink +ve always

*i miss *
waking up and c ur face
slipping noeing that u'll be hugging me all night long
`berebut' blanket with u
watching movies with u
gai2 with u n ur funny frens

*im happy*
that u man2 changed urself
always be patience with me
always siak2 me

*thank you*
for making my 1month holiday the happiest ever
giving me the most enjoying xmas n nuyear celebration
for letting me closed with ur sporting families
for spending time to get to noe my families
for everything that u gave to me




*i LOVE U*
no words can express how much iLy..
its almost 4 years now...only few months left..
last year bring me so much sadness..but i hope this year will bring us more luck n happiness..
sorry for kasi susah u sumtimes..
i noe i am stubborn like hell...
n my merajuk gaya rily makes u mad sumtimes...
sorry T_T
as years goes by..i've learnt that i rily syg u n i cant live without u...
no matter what other peeps say bout us i still x care bout it..
i apreciate every day that i can c u..coz every year we only can c each other during holidays..
im sorry b...
people always asked me y i still wana b with u..
but
nobody is perfect..
like u said...
i shud learn to let go of the past..
n now i finally decided to learnt from it,not live with it...
thanx..for waiting me this long to come back n c u..
maybe im not the one for u, but for me..u r the only one that i rily love this much
XOXOXOXOXO

who knew..

promise me anything, just make sure u r sober when u did tat..
i am a simple girl, u dont need maths to figured me out..
its obvious..
i believe everything so easily.
something happend.something big.
i expect big cooperation from u..
its not the first time, i knew we'll go thru this..
but y did i owez felt like im alone in everything that i do.
i hate seeing u like this.
i used to look up to u when something happend.but now where were u?
grow up!
i still need a MAN by my side after all..
things maybe rough sometimes, dont be so blurryyy..
wake up n help me find the way out.
i hate being the man in everything tat happend between us.
no more...
im so over it.u need to make a way now.figure things out.
try to solve it.
dont just sit there n wait for my decision.
i aint no Joan of arc..
i dont fight everything by myself..

be the one.fight for me.
dont keep giving me the same answer.
we sacrificed alot already, dont blame urself for everything that happend.
i wish i can talk to u.
dont set a wall between us.
i never knew until when i can stay.
but i'll promise u i'll fight for this.
and u?

anything happend, be there!
hold on!
then i'll stay.
just dont turn ur back on me.
i'll be strong for u..
u noe i always did..
but now its ur time...
dont let me walk away from u.

maybe things will get better ..
who knew..

i have faith.

helloo DECEMBER!

its been ages since i last updated my blog..ive been such a lazy dumb-ass this few months..
too many sad memories to be shared with ( which i need to let go off)

so its here,
december has arrived..
no offence but i hate it so much..i rily do -__-!
i love CHRISTmas ..i just hate the fact tt i'll be goin bek study-ing in..
(let me see..18 days left?? omg)
fyi,i havent mai the ticks yet, im soo gona be dead...

but im having a great holiday with my fam n bf.
spending most of the time together..
time passed us by sooo fast...
feels like i wana cry myself out...
i love it here..
i wish i can stay
*crossing finger*

disaster
tats exactly wat gonna happend next year.
believe me..
u'll end up reading me blog more often later.
btw : does beaver bites??

tired.sleepy.hungry (piggy mode)
i need some food to gain my energy.

will be seeing u guys any sooner,
merry xmas n happy new year in advance!

i'll c u ol soon then :
lotsa love
sandra

i will never forget you..
*ilysm*

p/s : tysm besties,laopos,frens,13 angels n bla..bla..bla..
(u noe who u r!!) im so blessed by having ALOT of frens who always be there for me...
n mostly love me for who i am!! *i dun need a mask *
<3

KUDAKU lari gagah berani .~~~~

Lotsa love xoxoxo

last 2 days was a gud day for me...
we've talked, n make a decision...
last 2 days tat i spent with u is the best day ever..
i can feel tat u chnge abit...
just a lil bit..
but its enuf 4 me

wen u told me tat u wana go to ur frens weds receiption, i just say yes..
coz i stil can enjoy myself wtchng mies at ur rum or fb-ing..
wen u go, n the past kip appears on my mind...
i text u with angry words...
n i ask u not to come back early coz i dun wana c ur face...
n tat i hate u so much...
til i lock ur own door n didnt let u in...

but stil u come back ur hum..
early then i tot u cud be...
knocking and asking me to open it..
n gave me a big soothing smile..=)
*ilysm*

tat nyt i cnt stop nagging bout the past..
kip asking u question over n over agen..
annoyed u with my mad attitude..
ignore ur sweet calls to me n act like ure not there...
but u did manage to be patient...
n told me to forgt it...
n tat u choose me rather then any1 else..
n tat u were sory fior wat u haf done..
n u wana chnge...
did i blif u?
yes..but not 100%...
*sorry*
i just wait n c ...

tis tym arguemnt is diffrent..
n4, u just ignore me n leave me alone crying..
but now u hug me n making alot of things to make me happy n forgt bput wat happend..
last nyt wen i told u tat i cudnt slip...
u told me tat u wil kip hugging me until i fall aslip..
u did..
*tysm b*

i tink its tym 4 me to let go bout ur past..
coz tats wat makes our rltnship more awful..
i shud be gratefull tat u wana chnge for me now...
n tat u began to show much u luf me step by step...
the way we hug each other to slip shows how much we luf n k bout each other..
i savour it!

tis mornig u ask me to move my clothes to ur hous..
n tat u wana share ur wardrobe with me...
u wana buy another toothbrush for me to use at ur rum..
so dat next tym i go bek i cn sty at ur rum anytym i wnt to..
tat shows a lil bit of commitmnt..=)
thnx dear..
n i will...

maybe 3 years is not long enuf to make other people proud of us..
but honestly...
after havng the gud n bad times mostly...with u thru ol tis years..
i began to apcte u more..
n i so hapy tat i dint give up on tis rltnship..
coz i just noe tat i never wana lose u...
ure mybe a monster..but inside ur heart..
u cnt deny tat u luf me so much til u wiling to do anythng 4 me..

i dun wait 4 sumthng gud to happen..
i just accept anythng tat cums fowrd aftr tis..
coz we've been on alot of harder probs b4..
i noe we cn do it...

for wat u asked me last nyt...my answer is
~ilymore~
thank u lo vun syn

the truth about me

i am a cry baby..everytm sumthing happen to me i will start to cry n complaining...
im such a weak person...
ol tis tym i kip complain tat my relationship was so hard since i haf a guy who never being honest with me...
eventho he lufs me so much but stil it wasnt enuf...
i owez tell others bout my sad life n how ive been treated just to get sum sympathy..
im spoiled....
im on vacay to manila with my bf fam last 11 june..
i dun enjoy much sincce hes not cuming with me ...n i got ol tis -ve tots in my mind bout him..
i shud haf learn to trust him..no matter wat hapnd b4...
but still...i cant help myself from being sensative...

the truth is...
ive being surrounded by strong peeps ol tis tym..
those who never back out no matter wat hapnd to their relationship...
those who never give up no matter how they bad they been treated..
those who never fails to giva their luf 1 a 2nd chance..
those who never lose faith on god in
theres sum1 who make me realised everythng tat nyt...
she told me her story about her married life...
ohow she find out tat her hubby cheated on him..
but stil she didnt give up...ol she do was pray to god and b patience...
she amazed me...

then only i realised tat i owez scared to let other peeps noe bout how bad my rltnship were sumtym...
im scare tat peeps wil began to judge me n him...
but i guess its time for me to come clean...

hes a gud bf...
a guy tat i love so much no matter wat he has done...
hes cheated on me for a girl for 2 months...
shud i be ashamed?
i used to b4...but not nemore...
nobodys perfect...
its just tat he doesnt use his brain to think well...
i used to get mad at him..coz i dun accpt the fact tat im far n it makes him fils lonely..
n tat im owez bz with my studies n seldom entertain him...
ive ben selfish...
i did...
i wez blame him for a sucks relationship but i forgt tat it nids both party to make a gud rltnship...
i owez tink tat im the gud 1 n hes the bad 1 who owez make mistakes...
but actly,its ol bcoz of me...


now im so happy to say tat im not ashamed of him...
the fact tat he wana change n feel sory bout it is enuf 4 me...
i noe its not the first tym..but i nevr pay attention..tats y this happend...
of coz i cnt trusted him tat fast agen..but wil...slowly i guess...

im a girl who owez let sadness n problems control me...
but not nemore...
i love him...
n i;ll do anythng to save this relationship...
we both promised each other tat we will start a new chaptr n our lif...

he said..
`no matter who ive been with,still i cant love her the way i love u..
ure just 1 of a kind...'

tysm

if ure J.Wlkr, then im ur JACK DANIEL

shud i lauf? or cry agen? hahhh!
why u lied to me? agen!
ive been chnging alot lately, maybe u x undstnd...
last nyt i noe theres sumthng fishy goin on behind my bek,but still i ignored it n act like theres nothng happen..
only today wen sum1 asked me y, n i tell her bout my stupid prediction...but then i get the result from her tat might haf been giving me a heartache..
she wasnt sure but she also told me tat she want to ask me bout tis since the day shes been added but she tot maybe theres a reason y u dun tell me bout it..
but shes my fren fyi, n she never bare to c me hurt n of coz she wil be honst with me..
she wasnt sure enuf bout it but 1 comnt reveals it all!
my gad....im so amaze on how ur frens work togther to seal it ol up 4 u.?
seriously,u guys btul2 brothers in arm! n im impressed!
but i x blame them....u shud tell me from the 1st place wen i ask u to be hnst with me..
but u didnt huh?
dun take advntges on sum1 tat LYSM!
just hope tat the infmtn is wrong..
coz if its true, karmas gona pay u bek dear..blif me..

im not blogging here to judge u...
but after ol the times uve been manipulating me, i dun tink u'll haf a better life ahead..
u shud pray...blif me..u nid tat!
i hope god bless u owez..

wats goin on?

honestly, i duno wat happend to me tis lately..its like ive became a cry-baby..een the smallest thing oso can make me cry..urgh1 its fck*g hurting...
but y cant he undstnd tat? kip bz with his work n frens...wat am i supposed to feel?
im not MANJA!
i didnt want u to lyn me n stuck up on my butt 24-7...
i just nid u to spent MORE tym 4 me!
i didnt say tat u cant haf fun with ur fren..but sumtym uve been carried away...
sumtym u forget tat im at hum waiting 4 u to cum bek..waitng 4 ur text saying tat u'll be hum..
ur fren will be here until u drop dead..blif me..they wont go any further..
but me? i will be leaving for college by the end of tis month..
so which 1 is ur priority now?
u can spent tym n c ur fren everyday syg! but me?
y cant u undstnd simple things like tat? wat kind of brain u had there?
sumtym i rily fil like i wana make u sedr for a while!
tat ure so annoying! ily..yes i do! but u make me sick!
u ask me dun merajuk..but how not to?
wen u annnoyed me i guess tat silence is the best way to treat u bek..
im tired..i rily do....
watevr it is i still love u...so much...
we both keras kepala! tats y i'll let u win...
i just noe tat karma owez be fair1

lotsa love
xoxoxo
san

when the heart speak...

they c sum1 tat nyt...
whengoin out eating at fastfood rest.
he was so nervous tat she will end up no mud agen...
so he try his best to distract her mind from thinking bout tat person..
*funny*
coz she doesnt fil anything at all...
she just dun mind bout unimportant things anymore..

in the car,
he's trying his best to make her smile..
making stupid jokes n funny faces...
n she did....
carved a smile upon her face..
coz she rily dun undstnd y he did all tat..
but she do fil a lil bit distracted efter seeing her
*ily*

goin bek home...
he kiss her gudnyt n give her a warmth hug...
looking in her eyes n said :

dun u ever felt insecure bah k
coz tat only make our rltnshp more harder...
i noe its hard to trust me..
but give me a try...
so i will be motivated to do wats right..
bout my past..
they just puppy love...
n ure the 1st girl tat i've been with tis long..
doesnt tat enuf to show u how mch ily?
no matter how noty i am..its just to take ur attntn..
coz i tot ure doin the same thing behind my back..
im sory for being such a lousy bf..
i try to chnge..
just pmis me tat we wil stop kasi panas each other..
*pinkypromise*

she get out from the car...
wave him goodbye...
n cried...

hes the most stubborn person she ever knew...
n only god knows how hard it is to deal with that guy..
to owez be patience n endure ol the pain tat he gave thru ol tis years..
some people out there waiting for them to break up n LOL..
but still..they stand together for almost 3 years by now..
they been thru alot of probs..
break up, arguemnts n even suicide..
cheating n betrayal..
but only now she realise tat she nid to accept him the way he is..
coz wen we love sum1..we cant only luf the gud side of him..we shud love the bad n gud side of him both..
maybe sumtym he did or say sumthing tat hurt her the most..
but she shud undstnd wat if shes in her shoes...
wat if its him who being far from her...


she luf him so much..
tats the most important thing ever...
is he the one?
hope so!
*crossing finger*
only tym can tell.....

lotsa love
xoxoxooxox
san

lifes began to be good step by step...
the best thing is i can stay hum n spent the rest of my days watching tv n eating!
ha.ha.ha
wat else i can ask 4..

family being super great...
kip jalan n eat outside..
thnx mumy!
plus got my lil sis n bro tat rily make my day by laughing out our ass with funy jokes..
n watching movies togther like hell..

im on my way finishing my psp games btw..
god of war....agen n agen...
never get bored with tat..
now i noe y he bought tat 4 my bday..
coz tats the only thing tat can make me silent n guai2 at rum..
my gad..

the love..
began to ease down a lil bit..
pandai cri n ask me wat i do...
tysm God..
my prayer being answered 1 by 1...
but still he did n said things tat can rily hurt me..
sumtym...
but wen im there, he cudnt face it.
mad2 pun still bring me hum n frn me watch totoro..
almost midnite but still bring me out to mamam..
y tlmpau ego?huh!
dlm msg kip hurt me,but infrnt syg me..
urgh!
my frens were ryt,im stupid for hoping too much..even wen im not..still i never stop love tis guy..
just be patience...tats d only thing i can do..

his mum asking me to go vacay with them on june..
im looking foward to it,but still im afraid..
wat if hes doin sumthng bad wen his mum not around?
n me not around?
just pray he wont..
*amen*

i can only be happy n gratefull tat they never stop supporting me!
mopongousian, family, fong,magdlne,vian,chy2,aily n L.myles..
maybe they oso boring wana c my msg but they never stop giving me hopes n love..
I.HEART.YOU.GUYS

wat wil it be?
i dun know...
just hope for sumthing good to happen..
stil, ilysmLVS

i hate tis,y cant they let me be happy for a sec? after receiving their msges at fb i still can feel the hate of envyness..y cant u just let me go? y did u bother so much to tell me very single thing tat he do? wats ur ittention? at 1st i tot u rily care bout me,evendore we're not close...but now i tink i noe wats ur'e up to..u enjoyed seeing me hurt ryt? noeing tat hes goin sumwhere to haf fun,while im stuck up my ass here being sad n lonely? its enough!
today u ask me to look into sum1 album n c the pict..he was there..so?
yah,i admit tat i was totally mad seeing it at 1st but not nemore, hes not a baby, he can take care of himself...plus i undstnd y he didnt tell me hes goin out,coz we're still argueing n he noes im gona be extremely jeles n sad. im not there...i cant tell if hes goin out with sum1 or not,itsjust his pict being caught on tat cam..n his frens..n his girll frens tat he noes since they were in primary school..
but still i haf sadness noeing tat it was 3rd of may,n hes havng fun while im strugling myself alone here...

are u happy now? did u rily wana c my relationship broke down? does tat makes u satisfied n buzz off? fyi : ure not gona get any...
even wen im leaving,n ure the next persn tat being with him,i still fil sory 4 u...coz u cant get him to love u naturally, u just haf to make our relationship worst,n hoping tat we will really break up n u got the chance to be with him..u r so pathetic..i feel sory 4 u..
i noe u r reading tis..coz u noe evrysingle thing tat i wrote here...

stop tring to prove to me tat hes not even sad bout the arguements..coz seriously, almost 3 years with him, im gona tell u tat tis guy,was rily good in hiding his feelings..I DUN THINK U NOE TAT RYT? coz its not u who be with him wen he got a major fall down, ure not there wen we had the biggest arguements, ure not there wen both of us losing hope towards each other..
it was me all the tym...2 years is not tat long but ive been in so many ups n down with him n i tink tats enuf to show me who the real guy he is...
if we rily break up, i wud say gud luck to u..
coz he wont luf u the way has loved me...
no matter wat happend btwen me n him,there always a special bond between us tat make us stand togther til now...but maybe we r not meant 4 each other..i'll take tat as a chlnge..
the most important thing is tat i luf him so much...n i just wana make him happy...tats y i can let him go..i dun haf ryt just to tink bout my happiness in a relationship..

im a women with no regrets..ilhsm

end of 2 years..

i'll be packing my bags any sooner...
4 days left b4 im goin bek sabah..
its funny how im gona miss my life here...
this simple, yet useful hostel room...
frens tat never leave me alone wen i felt unhappy...
classmates tat never stop bullying me...
too many reason to mke me miss this place...

still in my mind my first step here...i kept saying :
i hate tis place
i wana go home
i miss my family

but tym passed by sooooo fast...
its been 2 years here...1 year left b4 i fnish my studies
no more slipping in the class,
no more joking around during recess...
its tym to be independent now

im done with my theory studies...
on my way for practical....
good news : petaling jaya
bad news : no frens, work tym , hand water pump
but nothings meant to be easy kan?
i'll take it as a a challenge...

im so gonna miss my life here..
slipping in the class...
taking lunch with my frens...
watching movie togther...
hang out togthr
but life must go on....
its a beggining of our journey...
not the end...

to some of the guys tat i wont be able to c...
tysm for being such a gud frens to me..
i apreciated tat..*big hugs*

al farabian = 1 of the best thing in my life.
so i guess, i'll c u soon then?

learn to love urslef more..
its much more easier then loving sum1...
i dislike u...
wat makes u tink u can make sum1's life crushing down...
left tat person alone wen she needed u the most?
n now u wana treat her good again? giving false hope?
stop making her happy n then take the happiness away from her wen shes away...
she learning to live on her own now...
u dont haf any idea how hard it is not to tink of u everyday...
u duno how hard it is not to text n c ur msg everyday...
dont...plis dont make her life ruin agen...
the chance been given too many tyms owdy...
but did u aware? no ure not...
uve been bz with ur frens...n ur own agenda...
did u care bout her? no u didnt...
u left her alone wen she needed u the most...
now tell me how to call u a man....wen ure acting like a child...
face ur problem!
u cant simply make ur own decision n plan on making sum1 life suffer just bcoz u hate the fact tat shes not there with u...
did u now how many tyms she cried for u?
did u feel every pain tat u gave to her?
u said u love her...
but honestly....i dun tink u noe wat LOVE is...
ure not this person b4....u used to care n love her so much...
making her life happy like no one else will...
u used to be a part of her...
but things makes u chnge tis fast...
sumtym she also didnt noe how much tym left for her to stay patience with u...
n endure ur stubborn atttitude...
but she never wana say tat to u...
she noe herself...shes not perfect...
she did mistakes too...
to noe tat u love her n accept her flaws is enuf owdy...
but did u realised tat? no ure not...
ure not listening....
ur egoism blindfold ur heart...
makes u treat her like tat...
but shes being insecure now...
shes not even dare to love u again...
being with u agen used to be her only hope...
but not anymore....
she just scared tat u might doin the same thing to her..over and over again...
plus,shes still tink tat theres sum1 else even u said NO.

if both of u get together again...
u shudnt expect her to love u 100% nemore...
u've hurt her deeply...
n leave a scar on her heart...

but its nice to text good things with u...
shes happy...still..she love u tis much < >

heartache

I don’t mind it
I don’t mind at all
It’s like you’re the swing set
And I’m the kid that falls
It’s like the way we fight
The times I’ve cried
We come to blows
And every night
The passion’s there
So it’s got to be right
Right?

No I don’t believe you
When you say don’t come around here no more
I won’t remind you
You said we wouldn’t be apart
No I don’t believe you
When you say you don’t need me anymore
So don’t pretend to
Not love me at all

I don’t mind it
I still don’t mind at all
It’s like one of those bad dreams
When you can’t wake up
It’s like you’ve given up
You’ve had enough
But I want more
No I won't stop
Because I just know
You’ll come around
Right?

No I don’t believe you
When you say don’t come around here no more
I won’t remind you
You said we wouldn’t be apart
No I don’t believe you
When you say you don’t need me anymore
So don’t pretend to
Not love me at all

Just don’t stand there and watch me fall
Because I, because I still don’t mind at all

It’s like the way we fight
The times I’ve cried
We come to blows
And every night
The passions there
So it’s got to be right,
Right?

No I don’t believe you
When you say don’t come around here no more
I won’t remind you
You said we wouldn’t be apart
No I don’t believe you
When you say you don’t need me anymore
So don’t pretend to
Not love me at all

I don’t believe you



T_______T

its been ages since we x talking to each other in the phone...
happy.confused.relief?
weve been talked alot, yeah..been sharing most of the probs i haf with him wit u..
its funny how u can understand ol of my needs, n explain everything to me everytime im started to ask WHY?
u said love is hard to be understand...y was tat?
isnt luf supposed to be gentle..?
arent it supposed to be easy to undstnd?
i just dont know y...

u ask me not to give up...i dun noe...
the only mistake tat im guilty to is to be so in love with him...
if i wasnt,i wont be crying ol day long for him...
u ask me to hold on...
but wats the point of doin tat?
even to put any hopes tat things gona get better after tis also im not dare...
i just cant bare to haf another painfull story...
im too weak...
even if things get any better,
is there a guarantee tat i wont be treated like tis again?
i just dun tink tat he will noe how to apcte sum1 tat love him wit ol her heart....

u ask me...did i tink myself STUPID?
yes i did...
coz i let him too many chances to pick up the pieces n throw it away...
but iL him...tats the main reason for being so stupid...
love is blind...yes it is....
it makes me forgive n forget bout every bad memories betwn me n him just bcoz i stil wana b with him...
but did he care? i dun tink so...

but i dun blame him for all tat..
all tis tym he nurture me to be wat i am now...
childish.manja.unindependent.helpless
he makes me too!
im not his person b4...
maybe tat tym he still syg me alot til he wana k bout me like a baby...
but now? he told me tat im tooo pampered ,shudnt be tat way...
but mybe,tats my fault too...

trust is the major prob..
after wat haf been done,it still hard for me to trust him again...
peeps around me kip filling my mind with negative story bout him...his past n ol the unimportant things...
y shud i belif? im sooo stupid!
coz sum of it is not even true,n it only makes my reltnshp getting worst..
im so mean,sory baby..

but wen u ask me wat will i do if things not goin to be like b4...
if hes goin out with sum1 new...n forgt bout me...
speechless.
honestly,i duno wat to do...im lost....

all my life being surrounded by him...
but i pmis myself....
if tat happends,im still gona move on...
seeing him happy is the most happiest thing 4 me owdy...
if got jodoh,anytym also can get back togther...
i blif tat...just c khong n chy2...
i just want the best for him...
the best...
hopefully the next person will k n syg him more then i do...

but no matter wat..im stil gona LHSM...

u said u were proud of me...tat i haf been much more wiser then b4...
not just thinking wat best 4 me,but thinkg wat best 4 him too...
im so happy u called...u understnd me alot...
even there so many tyms i ignore u,since he dislike me reconnecting with u...
but still,u were there 4 me...
i envy u.
tat u can move on n finaly find sum1 tat u love so much...
yee rily syg u...u noe tat...we both noe...

end of conversation.

as i haf promised u...
will owez kip him in my heart, n move on with my new life...
will be goin back n facing my probs, n fight with my biggest fear -->leaving...
will i survived? only tym will tell..
let u guys now wen im there owdy..
as for now,5 more papers to go 4 my exam!
wish me luck peeps..

lotsa love,
san
xoxoxoxo

i shudnt haf done tis...
after ol these days im still wearing the ring...
still keeping ol the pictures...
still having sweet toughts bout goin bek n c him..

IM STILL LiVING IN THE WORLD HE'S CREATED FOR ME!

i wana get out!
im sick of laughing with my frens but the end of the day i'll be crying thinkg of u..
please.....
can i just wake up n lost my memory forever?
i wish i had a short term memory lost...
so i wont felt sad n unhappy evrytym im thinkg of u...

still..we find each other....
msgng n chatting..eventho its just 4 a while...
but i'll savour it...

u told me this wont happend if its not bcoz of me...
MG...im tired of saying im sorry n asking u to chnge ur mind...
im not tat tough baby!

i dun haf the nerve to hoping tat things gona get better wen im there...
i just dun wana makes my heart crush even teruk wen things doesnt happend the way i haf been expected...

this is not the 1st time syg...
but still u x leaving me alone now...still we find each other...

will i cry the day we meet later...?
yes...
hate u.but i never regret the day i had spent with u
just c wat happend later....
if theres a replacement...i hope u will be love n take care like i had loved n cared u...

semper te amo usque in diem morior..

maybe ive done a big mistakes...
but tat doesnt mean u can treat me tis way...
ure not god....
u never commit any sins? issit?
nobody did! no 1 is perfect!
hope u realise it 1 day...
dun u tink u been punish me alot owdy?
just hope u can get the karma back...
n feel the way i felt ryt now

i am me

if i can just go on without felt gulity,or even sad...i wud...did u noe how much it hurts me to noe tat ive been forcing things to get better wen i ody noe things owdy chnge?

if i can move on n live my life like usual..i wud...but i duno wer to start...seriously..i dont...
maybe bcoz i dun c us tis way b4..i owez tot tat things gona b the same...being together till the end of time..but i guess im wrong..

i dun dare to put high hopes wen i c u later...i just pray tat things gona chnge...
even wen its not..i'll pray...tat no matter how long it takes...i can MOVE ON!

still,ilysm...tats the only thing tat u cant take away frm me...
ive been crying so hard tis few weeks...its rily hard to fake a smile infront of peeps n cried myself out during shower so i wont get my eyes swollen..

i'll savour the day wen im goin bek n hug u 4 the last tym...
but i guess its tym to walk in a new direction...
ill try to adapt...

for u..i will just walk away n never look back...
coz i noe i wont hurt u anymore...
u may b finding sum1 else sooner...
but i noe,she will never love u the way i had loved u...

p/s : i love you